Christmas is coming, and every salesperson worth their salt knows it’s not just time for eggnog and office parties. It’s the perfect time to ask Santa for a little extra something to boost their success in the coming year. After all, who better to help you hit your sales quota than the guy who delivers millions of packages overnight without missing a single chimney? Santa knows logistics, customer satisfaction, and how to work a tight deadline.
So, what should a good salesperson ask Santa for Christmas? Let’s take a look at the ultimate sales Wishlist, with a little humor sprinkled in.
- A GPS That Finds the Closest Decision-Maker
Dear Santa, I need a GPS that doesn’t just get me to my appointments. I need one that beeps and says, “Recalculating… a decision-maker is five doors to your left.” No more meetings with assistants or middle managers who promise to “pass along” my proposal. Imagine the efficiency! And maybe, Santa, throw in a feature that politely suggests they bring donuts to the meeting.
- The “No-Rejection” Shield
Santa, is there a way to develop a force field that repels the words “We’re not interested” or “It’s not in the budget”? It doesn’t have to be flashy—just a simple gadget I can hold in my hand. When a customer starts to say “no,” it triggers a Jedi mind trick: “You *are* interested in what I’m selling.” Of course, I’ll promise to use it ethically… most of the time.
- A Crystal Ball with Accurate Sales Forecasts
Santa, you’ve got that magical snow globe—surely you can whip up one for me. Mine doesn’t need to show me the North Pole. I want it to show me which of my leads will actually close. No more time wasted on prospects who were “just curious.” With this crystal ball, I’ll know who’s ready to buy, when to follow up, and who’s ghosting me. Bonus points if it can tell me their preferred coffee order.
- Unlimited Energy and a Coffee
Santa, being a salesperson is exhausting. Between the endless calls, emails, follow-ups, and driving all over town, sometimes I feel like I need a nap in the middle of my nap. Can you hook me up with an IV drip that delivers a perfect blend of caffeine and positivity? And while you’re at it, how about a little sprinkle of patience for when I’m stuck in traffic or listening to yet another “We’ll get back to you.”
- An App That Writes Perfect Emails
Santa, email is my nemesis. I spend more time agonizing over the subject line than I do closing deals. Can you make me an app that writes the perfect email every time? It should be warm, professional, and impossible to ignore. Oh, and it should automatically include a P.S. line that reads: “By the way, our competitors love us too!”
- A “Red Pen” That Fixes All Contracts Instantly
Santa, I’m no lawyer, and I don’t pretend to be. But when a prospect starts crossing out terms in the contract or sending it back with “minor edits,” my head spins. I need a magic red pen that fixes all the problems in one swoop. It should be able to turn, “We’ll pay in 90 days” into “Payment upfront with a thank-you note.”
- An Invisibility Cloak for Office Drama
Santa, let’s be real. Sometimes I just want to sell stuff without getting dragged into the office soap opera. I need an invisibility cloak that I can throw on when the gossip starts flying. Let me skip the debates about who stole someone’s lunch or why the printer is always broken. Just let me hit my sales numbers and slide out unnoticed.
- A Bag of Endless Promotional Swag
Santa, there’s nothing like a good giveaway to warm up a prospect. But my company’s budget-friendly swag—cheap pens and keychains—doesn’t exactly scream “premium.” Can you give me a bag of endless promotional items? I’m talking luxury branded notebooks, insulated coffee mugs, and maybe a few stress balls shaped like gold bars. It’ll make my prospects feel like royalty, and they’ll remember me long after the meeting.
- The Ultimate Comeback Guide
Santa, I try to stay professional, but when a prospect says something like, “We’re happy with our current supplier,” I sometimes want to scream into a pillow. Can you bring me a guide with the perfect comebacks for every objection? Think of it as a Choose Your Own Adventure book for sales. When they say, “We’re not looking to make any changes,” I’ll flip to page 12 for the witty response that makes them rethink their entire supply chain.
- A Magic Button That Books Appointments Automatically
Santa let’s face it—getting a meeting scheduled is like herding cats. Between their calendar and mine, it’s a miracle if anything gets done. Can you give me a magic button that syncs with every client’s schedule and books an appointment without 15 back-and-forth emails? I’d even settle for a button that guarantees no one cancels last-minute because their dog ate the Wi-Fi.
- A Networking Superpower
Santa, I’m good at small talk, but sometimes I need a little boost. Can you sprinkle me with the superpower to remember every name, face, and tidbit about the people I meet? If I can casually ask a prospect about their kid’s soccer game or their trip to Paris, they’ll think I’m a genius. Plus, it’ll save me from the embarrassment of calling someone “Steve” when their name is clearly “Mark.”
- A Subscription to Santa’s Naughty List
Okay, Santa, hear me out. What if you gave me access to your Naughty List? I don’t need to know who didn’t clean their room this year—I just want a heads-up about companies that are late payers or notorious for ghosting vendors. Think of how much time I’d save not chasing bad leads. And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone where I got it.
- A Good Old-Fashioned Lucky Streak
Finally, Santa, I’d like a little luck. Just a sprinkle, enough to get me through the tough days. Maybe a call gets returned sooner than expected. Maybe the buyer who always says “no” suddenly changes their mind. A streak of luck might be all I need to turn a good year into a great one.
The Spirit of Giving
All jokes aside, Santa, I know the real secret to sales success doesn’t come in a neatly wrapped package. It’s about building relationships, listening to your customers, and never losing your hustle. But if you can fit that No-Rejection Shield in your sleigh, I won’t complain.
As salespeople, we don’t need much to succeed—just determination, creativity, and maybe a few laughs along the way. So, here’s to hoping Santa delivers something extra special this year: not just the tools to close deals, but the joy of doing what we love.
Merry Christmas, fellow sales warriors. Let’s make the coming year our best one yet. And if you see Santa, tell him to call me. I’ve got some ideas for his pitch deck. And that, my friends, is just common sense!
